what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
