peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
