We won't sleep together?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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