Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
