i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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