last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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