this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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