The maid of honor just puked.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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