I'm lost and stupid without you.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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