you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
