Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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