I bet he comes in French.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
