Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
