somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
