Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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