every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
