yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
