someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
