i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
