Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
