so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
