so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
