He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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