I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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