he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
