Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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