I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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