He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
