We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
