I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
