This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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