my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize