I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
