Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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