3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
