I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
