My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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