we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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