my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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