you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize