she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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