Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
