just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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