I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Send help, water and tortillas.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize