After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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