i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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