I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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