Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
