I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Where is the hickey?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
