oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
