I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
