Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize