Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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