Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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