I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
