yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
