If i come over, it means nothing
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
