Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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