omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
