We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
