my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
