I don't usually arrange sex via text message
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
if only i could text you this smell
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Randomize
