When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
