i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
