Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
