you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
