is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
