so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
