I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Just cropdusted the office
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
