On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
