Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
