My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
