Kiss
Puke
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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