from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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