If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
