You just made me feel so damn special
I feel like abortions should bother me more
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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