Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I think your dad took our porno
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
