We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i just wanna soil my oats bro
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Randomize
