i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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