as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize
