I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize