He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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