I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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