You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
