Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
