Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
