Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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