You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
