Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
