We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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