I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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