Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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