She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Randomize
