You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
