oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
