You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
