I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
