Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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