he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
