Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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