You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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