This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
They have beer where we have blood.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
