he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize