is your mom at the bar?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
