I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
