did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
