Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
